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Secret Lovers

Infidelity has happened many times before. It has been the favourite theme of novels, soap operas and even the oldest of literature in history. Men are known to be naturally polygamous. Women on the other hand, has fallen victim to double standards. In a society built with moral values, it is easy to condemn a woman who is found to be unfaithful. On the other hand, it seems natural for a man to wander off from his lady love. This may seem unfair, but it is the reality of our society. According to a researched estimate, 50 to 70 percent of men have been unfaithful one way or the other. The number of women guilty of infidelity ranges from 30 to 60 percent.

I am not here to judge nor condemn those who have been unfaithful to their partners. I am more interested to know why people end up cheating with someone else. What is it that pushes someone to break a promise of love to be with another?

Ask the Love Doctor

“A secret lover is a desperate plea for help and a catalyst for change” says Frances Cohen Praver, PhD in her 2009 article on her blog “Love Doc.” In Cohen’s book, “Daring Wives: Insight into Women’s Desires for Extramarital Affairs” she has shared stories of women who have taken secret lovers. Each had a different story to tell. But Dr. Cohen was able to pinpoint the little details that may have pushed these women to infidelity.

It’s not just Sex

It has been a common misconception that forbidden affairs have always been about sex. It is true that in most long term relationships, the intimacy and passion begin to take a back seat. Both may have been too busy with their work or careers that sex has become an occasional chore, instead of something that should be enjoyed by both. Constant arguments and misunderstandings within a relationship also kill the desire to get intimate with your partner. In this process, each one feels deprived of their sexual desires. Someone who is in this frustrating state can be vulnerable to temptation. And when a gorgeous admirer comes along, then it is inevitable that the weak will fall.

A Monotonous Love life

Some relationships can turn out to be monotonous and boring. Many people get caught in a routine that they do over and over. Then one day the feeling of emptiness creeps in. You realize that you are not happy with who you have become. Although you still love your partner, there will come a time when a craving for change overcomes you. A sense of rebellion tempts the kindest and sweetest of wives to be driven into the arms of another man. And the man in this state cannot resist a beautiful young temptress. Some people begin joining online dating sites to secretly meet new people without telling the other. Often times, a great sense of guilt is felt each time you cheat. Still, the excitement of having a secret lover is much too powerful and liberating, for someone who has been in a monotonous relationship.

When Love Is Gone

The most obvious reason for cheating is when you realize that you no longer love your partner. No matter how beautiful or true a love may seem at first, remember that not all love stories are forever. The only thing that is constant in this world is change. Through time, people change. It may be you or your partner. But somehow one of you is not the same person as they were when you fell in love.

People Change

Just like in the movie “Bride Wars” Anne Hathaway’s character seemed to have the perfect relationship. She and her boyfriend have been together since they were in school and they we so in love. But when the time came for them to tie the knot, the bride cannot do it. She knew that she did not love him anymore. She knew that the groom was still in love with the girl she used to be, and not with the woman she has turned out to be.

Secrets don’t remain secret

Having an affair or being secret lovers may be exciting and fun at first. But soon the hiding and the stress of getting caught can be very frustrating. Somehow you know, one way or the other you will get caught. You know what they say. Where there is smoke, there is fire. If you feel there is something wrong with your relationship, you should at least try to mend your broken relationship first. Ask yourself if you can live without your partner, before you jump into a mistake that may have you lose that person forever. Lastly, if you feel that you would rather be with someone else, then it is just fair to break off from your current relationship before starting a new one. Don’t you think?